Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
