You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
