ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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