I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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