Apparently you make a good broom.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
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There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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