Please don't use social media to get back at me.
only you would photoshop your dick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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