I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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