Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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