She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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