I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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