how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
