You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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