U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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