I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
