I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
