Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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