it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
