But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
