i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
