Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
