1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
