I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
