when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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