If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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