we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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