the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
