I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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