You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
