well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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