Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize