oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
