doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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