ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
