there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
