I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
