i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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