remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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