I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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