to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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