I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
