A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
