Apparently you make a good broom.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize