dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
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He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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