please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
