please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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