I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
