I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
