Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize