I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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