You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
