i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
