I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize