I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found puke in my bra..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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