So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
