There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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