If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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