Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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