Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
